So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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