Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
