We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
