Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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