I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
