Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
NoShamevember. You game?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
