i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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