We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
