you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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