he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
