Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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