Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
