She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
