btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
