Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
