If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
