I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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