that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
