Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize