Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
