i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
