After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
