You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
