: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
