Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
