she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
