that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
