He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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