I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
