More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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