my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
