i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
