Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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