I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
