absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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