Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
