last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
