kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
