I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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