OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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