hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
