He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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