Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
