ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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