the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
