I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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