Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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