Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you told grandpa to call you daddy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
