Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
