I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
