I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
