Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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