It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
