I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
