Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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