Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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