As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
