Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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