hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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