i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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