luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize