That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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