Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
