it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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