Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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