he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
