so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
