He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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