she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
