I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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