weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
