so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
