Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
