I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
