It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
